Press Release

 

Deepwater Horizon

BP announced today that in a move to improve their public image, the company will be disbanded and reorganized with a new emphasis on environmental accountability. The new company, Hubris Oil, will go public on Sept. 11. Mark Crassus, CEO-elect of the newly formed multinational corporation, unveiled Hubris’ mission statement:

Humble Oil put a tiger in your tank; Hubris lets the tiger out.

Crassus expects the new venture to launch an aggressive online and on-air campaign, encouraging all Americans affected by the recent events off the Gulf Coast to invest in a secure future with Hubris.

(Folk singer in the background, fade away)

        As I was driving that ribbon of highway 
        I saw above me an acid rainbow  
        I saw below me the dying algae
        This land was stained by old BP

        This land was your land
        this land was my land
        from the Chugach Forest,
        to Chandeleur Island
        from the gulfstream slaughters
        to the toxic waters,
        this land was made for you and me

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2 Responses to “Press Release”

  1. What a FANTASTIC post! The BP ads are sickening. It makes me want to ask, “How stupid do they think we are?” But then I see their stock rising, and I know the answer.

    Are you going to post a health update soon?

  2. Hey there – Health update to come. Short form just for you – I was all pumped up with thyroid rush for a week or two, then lost steam again. I’m regrouping – more soon though.

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