Archive for the marriage Category

My grandparents

Posted in family, history, life, life-n-death, marriage, true story, writing practice with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2009 by bosquechica

My grandfather had a thin mustache, my grandmother good legs. My grandparents spoke Spanish and English and a little Italian but the Italian was not sincere. My grandparents smoked and went to theatre and galleries and lived in Texas and Mexico and Colorado and New Mexico and Canada and California and then back to New Mexico where they lived for most of their elderly years. My grandparents were runaways and liars, and cheated on each other for as long as they were young and could get away with it. My grandparents were married for 70 years, but divorced for 10 of those. My grandparents had smooth beautiful voices and liked books, and vino tinto, and chile, and they used olive oil to keep their feet smooth and soft, and they drove very big cars and voted Republican in the 80s but were socialist in the 30s, and they planted corn in their backyard with the great grand children, and they walked in the Organ Mountains looking for a place to scatter their ashes, and that’s where they are now, in an arroyo in southern New Mexico, on their way down to the gulf of Mexico by way of flash floods and monsoons, however long that might take.

This was a 5-minute writing practice in group this Monday. Got some great photos, but not the ooomph to scan them right this second. I’ll add in a separate post.

Advertisements

Yes, you can

Posted in family, gay, history, marriage, politics, relgion with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by bosquechica

Rights and benefits of marriage under law in the United States:

  • Right to many of ex- or late spouse’s benefits, including:
    • Social Security pension
    • veteran’s pensions, indemnity compensation for service-connected deaths, medical care, and nursing home care, right to burial in veterans‘ cemeteries, educational assistance, and housing
    • survivor benefits for federal employees
    • survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
    • additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
    • $100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
    • continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
    • renewal and termination rights to spouse’s copyrights on death of spouse
    • continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
    • payment of wages and workers compensation benefits after worker death
    • making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts

Yes, you can.

  • Right to benefits while married:
    • employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
    • per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
    • Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
    • sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can. 

  • Joint and family-related rights:
    • joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
    • joint parenting rights, such as access to children’s school records
    • family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
    • next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
    • custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
    • domestic violence intervention
    • access to “family only” services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods

Yes, you can. 

  • Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs

Yes, you can. 

  • Tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from “due-on-sale” clauses.

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can.  

  • Threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime

Yes, you can. 

  • Right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse

Yes, you can.  

  • Court notice of probate proceedings

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

  • Regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants exemption

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

  • Joint tax filing

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.  

  • Permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.  

  • Right to change surname upon marriage

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

  • Spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)

Yes, you can. 

 

On this incredible, historic day, the first African American has been elected to be the President of the United States. A day for joy, for giving thanks, for seeing the future of all African-American children open up, bright and high as the sky.

It is also the day in which the exclusion into the basic and fundamental relationship of marriage and family has been codified into law, in the state constitution of California through the passage of Proposition 8.

So all of you good Americans out there, get out there and celebrate.

Yes, you can. 

For me, for mine, we are so excluded from this basic level of community, from inclusion in the American process, we are crying and angry on this most historic day, when we should all be celebrating, as one people, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

For some. For us, we have once again been denied full citizenship under the law. As a people, we are not even relegated to the back of the bus. We are not even on the bus. We are under the bus. Once again.

You believe your relationship is more legitimate than mine? Really? More normal? More moral?

Even in the absence of all of these special privileges that are granted to you heterosexual people of all colors and creeds, the one right I still have, at least for now, is the right to disagree with you and your vitriol, your judgment, your pettiness of spirit.

Yes, I can.

Gah I can’t think

Posted in family, life, life-n-death, marriage, personal history, rant, writing practice with tags , , , , , , on January 29, 2008 by bosquechica

Well I have been slam-banging along for the past couple of weeks, running into walls, wrestling (I have an urge to say “rasslin'” here, like I’m doing things with alligators) with nursing homes and assisted living facilities and anxiety-ridden relatives and ridiculous therapy contracts and elder lawyers and may I just say that even without being there in the same city or state as my old mama (who is getting really cranky about being in a nursing home, even if it is temporary, and the jury is still out on that) it’s really time consuming to the point of disrupting the time-space continuum (whatever I mean by that) and gah I can’t think. My life is interrupting my blogging and it really chaps my hide.

And this week I’ve got company Wednesday through Saturday, a bunch of yodeling folk singers descending on Casa de Bosquechica on Friday, a trip to Santa Fe on Sunday for a hideaway-retreat with the missus and a visit to the state legislature on Monday to advocate for our right to have the partner benefits that other married people can just take for granted, thank you very much. And I can’t find my damn photo album from Africa, which I’ve been trying to find to post in this piece I was working on last week, because ever since the mom-stroke thing, it’s been hard to focus forward; my brain keeps doing “my life in review”, which is just a wretchedly self-absorbed response to her pending mortality (pending?).

The persistence of the “life in review” thinking made me decide to do a two-piece writing practice: “5 years ago, I . . . . ” followed by “In 5 years, I . . . ” to help me shift back into where I’m going instead of where I’ve been. What will I be doing in 5 years? Well, if this past couple of weeks is any indication, I’ll still be working on this freakin’ “freewrite” about what I did five years ago…….and geez, that’s just wrong.

Resume

Posted in marriage on October 9, 2007 by bosquechica

There we were, in Quebec. What a beautiful city. 400 years old, wonderful winding old streets. Laurie and I have been together for 12 years now. We had our first commitment ceremony in August of 1997, and at the time, we didn’t know very many people, gay or straight, who were comfortable using the word “marriage”. Gay folk and straight alike were, at that time, often uncomfortable (for assorted political or philosophical reasons) with the term marriage.

I myself like the word marriage. Prettier than wedlock. Handfast is nice — we had a handfast in our first ceremony. Commmitment is what we do when people need to be locked up for the good of self or society. I also like the Mrs. designation. Short for mistress. I’ve never been crazy about “Ms.” It’s not short for anything, and sounds contrived, or like it was created by social scientists. Not organic, anyway. But Mrs. hasn’t always strictly meant married — it also referred to women of substance, property, or independence. You may call me “Mrs. Bosquechica” if you like.

At our first wedding, we both wore white, with flowers in our hair. We held the ceremony at a ranch high in the aspens in northern New Mexico. There were 100, maybe 120 people there to share the moment and show love and support for our relationship. Lots of family on Laurie’s side, friends from both. We were married by Julie, a family friend, an ordained minister of the non-specific kind.

Lovely ceremony. The Circle A is still at least marginally a working horse ranch, but also a hostel. We rented it for three days, and after the wedding, we had a big reception, a song circle, plenty of food, hiking in the mountains. And on Sunday, Laurie and I drove away and circled the state, starting our own private time as married people.

That was ten years ago, and things are different now. I will say marriage as often as I want. I will say my wife, my partner, my girlfriend, my spouse. I think it is a lovely advantage to say “my girlfriend” when we’ve been together so long. I’ve noticed straight married people don’t do that. But really, doesn’t it sound so great? — try it, if you are married — my girlfriend, my boyfriend — like you are still blushing when you think of him/her during your workaday life.

Anyway. This marriage, in Quebec.

Was amazing and completely different than the first wedding. And now, I am out of time. When I get back from playing on the floor with babies, I will continue . . .

The rights and responsibilities of marriage

Posted in gay, marriage, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on September 4, 2007 by bosquechica

The intent to marry must be posted in a public place for 20 days before the intended event. The marriage itself should take place in public, either at the courthouse or in some other appropriately solemn setting.

On the occasion of civil marriage, according to Justice Quebec:

Marriage is governed by the Civil Code of Québec, which concerns family law. It is founded on two key principles: equality between the spouses, and free choice of a matrimonial regime. The spouses must

  • choose the family residence together;
  • contribute toward household expenses according to their respective means;
  • jointly assume the debts contracted for the day-to-day needs of the family; and
  • comply with the legal provisions governing partition of the family.  

From the ceremony itself, this is what the magistrate said (paraphrased):

  •  
    • You are responsible for taking care of each other, your home and your family. You will contribute equally to that care. Equally may refer to monetary contribution, but may also refer to any balance of work and care agreed upon between you. You are responsible for living together in a shared household. If you cannot afford an independent living situation, you should still live together with extended family as defined by you.

    • You may change your name for social purposes, but for legal purposes, you will retain the same name after marriage as before.

What a nice country. What a beautiful thing, to base marriage on the assumption of equality. Wow, I got this feeling we were not in Kansas anymore.

Our hotel staff left this in our room while we were being ridden to the courthouse in procession in our flower-festooned bicycle rickshaws (more later!), and well, that was one more sweet moment in a remarkable day.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket