Archive for marriage

My grandparents

Posted in family, history, life, life-n-death, marriage, true story, writing practice with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2009 by bosquechica

My grandfather had a thin mustache, my grandmother good legs. My grandparents spoke Spanish and English and a little Italian but the Italian was not sincere. My grandparents smoked and went to theatre and galleries and lived in Texas and Mexico and Colorado and New Mexico and Canada and California and then back to New Mexico where they lived for most of their elderly years. My grandparents were runaways and liars, and cheated on each other for as long as they were young and could get away with it. My grandparents were married for 70 years, but divorced for 10 of those. My grandparents had smooth beautiful voices and liked books, and vino tinto, and chile, and they used olive oil to keep their feet smooth and soft, and they drove very big cars and voted Republican in the 80s but were socialist in the 30s, and they planted corn in their backyard with the great grand children, and they walked in the Organ Mountains looking for a place to scatter their ashes, and that’s where they are now, in an arroyo in southern New Mexico, on their way down to the gulf of Mexico by way of flash floods and monsoons, however long that might take.

This was a 5-minute writing practice in group this Monday. Got some great photos, but not the ooomph to scan them right this second. I’ll add in a separate post.

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Yes, you can

Posted in family, gay, history, marriage, politics, relgion with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by bosquechica

Rights and benefits of marriage under law in the United States:

  • Right to many of ex- or late spouse’s benefits, including:
    • Social Security pension
    • veteran’s pensions, indemnity compensation for service-connected deaths, medical care, and nursing home care, right to burial in veterans‘ cemeteries, educational assistance, and housing
    • survivor benefits for federal employees
    • survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
    • additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
    • $100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
    • continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
    • renewal and termination rights to spouse’s copyrights on death of spouse
    • continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
    • payment of wages and workers compensation benefits after worker death
    • making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts

Yes, you can.

  • Right to benefits while married:
    • employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
    • per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
    • Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
    • sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can. 

  • Joint and family-related rights:
    • joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
    • joint parenting rights, such as access to children’s school records
    • family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
    • next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
    • custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
    • domestic violence intervention
    • access to “family only” services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods

Yes, you can. 

  • Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs

Yes, you can. 

  • Tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from “due-on-sale” clauses.

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can. 

Yes, you can.  

  • Threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime

Yes, you can. 

  • Right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse

Yes, you can.  

  • Court notice of probate proceedings

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

  • Regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants exemption

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

  • Joint tax filing

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.   

Yes, you can.  

  • Permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.  

  • Right to change surname upon marriage

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.  

Yes, you can.   

  • Spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)

Yes, you can. 

 

On this incredible, historic day, the first African American has been elected to be the President of the United States. A day for joy, for giving thanks, for seeing the future of all African-American children open up, bright and high as the sky.

It is also the day in which the exclusion into the basic and fundamental relationship of marriage and family has been codified into law, in the state constitution of California through the passage of Proposition 8.

So all of you good Americans out there, get out there and celebrate.

Yes, you can. 

For me, for mine, we are so excluded from this basic level of community, from inclusion in the American process, we are crying and angry on this most historic day, when we should all be celebrating, as one people, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

For some. For us, we have once again been denied full citizenship under the law. As a people, we are not even relegated to the back of the bus. We are not even on the bus. We are under the bus. Once again.

You believe your relationship is more legitimate than mine? Really? More normal? More moral?

Even in the absence of all of these special privileges that are granted to you heterosexual people of all colors and creeds, the one right I still have, at least for now, is the right to disagree with you and your vitriol, your judgment, your pettiness of spirit.

Yes, I can.

Oh woe is me

Posted in life, nice things, this-n-that with tags , , , , , on August 15, 2008 by bosquechica

This would be the post in which I whine about my pathetic life, with violin music in the background.

Well, no not really. Maybe just a little in the beginning.

To date: I had a wearying and self-absorbed three weeks at a new job (with benefits) and thought I was going to suffocate or go mad. So much like an assembly line, a sweat shop, so rote, so . . so . . so wrong for me.

I am a free-range chicken, apparently.

I’ve gone back to private practice. Back to the road. Back to my free-wheeling, take your chances contract life.

In other news:

Mrs. BC and I went to the Jemez last weekend for our anniversary and enjoyed it mightily. Friday was my last day at the new/old job, Saturday was the first anniversary since our lovely wedding last summer in Quebec and the 11th since our first ceremony.

We slept a bit and made good food and had massage and tubs at the hot springs. Then we went shopping and picked out jewelry for each other from the street vendor outside of the biker bar on the main street in Jemez. 

We played Scrabble and read cheap romance novels. We had bacon lettuce and tomato sandwiches for lunch.

The massage I had on the third day was the best. The massage therapist directed me to visualize my “happy place” and I, being quite malleable after three days of soaking, napping and lying around, immediately saw my own front yard, from various angles. The grape vines, the honeysuckle, the rose of sharon, the hollyhocks. The barns, the willow tree, the cottonwood, the geese marching solemnly, wings tucked back hasidim-wise, nodding their heads thoughtfully.

What a marvelous thing, how fortunate we are, my wife and I, to live in our own happy place. How lucky I am to be able to turn around and walk right back to my previous work, without even missing a step. How lucky the two of us to have found each other.

No woe allowed. I am too damn lucky.

The rights and responsibilities of marriage

Posted in gay, marriage, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on September 4, 2007 by bosquechica

The intent to marry must be posted in a public place for 20 days before the intended event. The marriage itself should take place in public, either at the courthouse or in some other appropriately solemn setting.

On the occasion of civil marriage, according to Justice Quebec:

Marriage is governed by the Civil Code of Québec, which concerns family law. It is founded on two key principles: equality between the spouses, and free choice of a matrimonial regime. The spouses must

  • choose the family residence together;
  • contribute toward household expenses according to their respective means;
  • jointly assume the debts contracted for the day-to-day needs of the family; and
  • comply with the legal provisions governing partition of the family.  

From the ceremony itself, this is what the magistrate said (paraphrased):

  •  
    • You are responsible for taking care of each other, your home and your family. You will contribute equally to that care. Equally may refer to monetary contribution, but may also refer to any balance of work and care agreed upon between you. You are responsible for living together in a shared household. If you cannot afford an independent living situation, you should still live together with extended family as defined by you.

    • You may change your name for social purposes, but for legal purposes, you will retain the same name after marriage as before.

What a nice country. What a beautiful thing, to base marriage on the assumption of equality. Wow, I got this feeling we were not in Kansas anymore.

Our hotel staff left this in our room while we were being ridden to the courthouse in procession in our flower-festooned bicycle rickshaws (more later!), and well, that was one more sweet moment in a remarkable day.

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